Unimaginable Loss
Bernice Dickey shares her story of returning to a joyfilled life after experiencing an overwhelming loss
Written by Bernice Dickey | Photography by Amanda Cortez
SUGAR LAND, Texas (SLM) - On Jan. 31, 2002, I woke up a wife and mother of two beautiful little girls. That evening, I was a widow and a single parent of one infant daughter. A car accident killed my husband my 10-year-old daughter and left my 1-year-old, Miriam, with second- and third-degree burns. I learned about this terrible tragedy by watching the 6 o’clock evening news.
Bernice Dickey learned about the tragic car accident that killed her husband and daughter from watching the 6 o'clock news
What am I Going to Do Now?
My family was late arriving home, so I turned on the TV to see if I could catch a traffic report. The lead story that night was an awful automobile-train accident, and my heart sank for the family members who didn’t even know their family had perished in this accident. I began praying for the family of the victims. When the report showed the scene of the accident, I recognized the burned-out vehicle as my SUV. I realized at that moment that I was praying for my own family. I was the family member who didn’t know her family would not be coming home.
I was overwhelmed by the news that I had lost half of my family. I flashed back to the only other accident that changed my life forever (up until that point). Eleven years earlier, I lost my parents in a car accident and only my two sisters survived, so this was the second time in my life that I lost half of my family in a car accident. I was overcome by all of the emotions that washed over me and I sank to the floor. I touched the TV screen and asked myself, “What am I going to do now?” I sat there on the floor until the police finally came and knocked on my door.
I Needed Her to Live
The police officer kept banging on the door and ringing the bell, and I shouted through the door that I didn’t want to open it because I didn’t want him to give me the news that was already breaking my heart. He insisted I open the door when he learned that I was home alone. I opened the door and walked away from him back into the living room, where he could see that I was watching the news. He immediately turned off my TV and asked if there was anyone I could call to bring me to the hospital to see about my baby. I was numb, emotionally shut off, and could not respond to any of his questions.
The police officer went to my neighbors to ask if they could help me, and when they came over all I could think of was Miriam and if she had made it. If she did make it, what shape was she in? Was she barely holding on to her life? The neighbors helped me come back to myself, and I asked them to pray with me for the healing of my baby from her injuries because I needed her to live in order for me to want to live.
Dickey processed her grief through journaling, which eventually led to her inspirational book, My #1 is Still My #1!
Answered Prayers
That prayer we prayed in my living room was the beginning of my determination that this accident and my overwhelming grief was not going to define me. I believed God heard my prayer and that Miriam would be healed. I needed to get myself together to be emotionally present and alive for my baby. I went to the hospital with a friend,
praying all the way that God would spare Miriam.
When I saw Miriam for the first time, I was overcome - she looked terrible, but she was alive! She was blistered on her forehead and feet, had burns on her right ear, nose, and cheek, and all of her hair was singed to the roots. When she saw me, she reached for me. She recognized me and wanted me to hold her! This was an answer to my prayers.
Lord, What Now?
As happy as I was that Miriam had survived, I was overwhelmed again by my situation. “Lord, what now?” I wondered. The sheer magnitude and pain of my loss was crushing, but I believed God would answer me when I called out to Him.
As I grieved, I taught Bible study classes at my church, which compelled me to search God’s word. I prayed. I wrote out my reflections and revelations in a journal. Initially, my family and friends proved to be a strong and deep support system. As the years went by, Miriam started asking questions, and we started going to therapy together to cope with our losses.
Triumph Over Tragedy
As I began to heal, I shared details of my story with my Bible study classes. Before long I was receiving invitations to share at women’s retreats, luncheons, and conferences. The more I shared my story, the stronger I became.
I knew I was on my way to healing when Miriam came into my room one day and asked me, “What is that noise?” She heard me laughing, and my laughter was a completely foreign sound to her. Laughing again was a sign to me that I was getting my joy for life back.
My resolve to not allow this tragedy to be a period in my life but merely a comma was what fueled me to fight back the spirit of heaviness that tried to cover me like an overcoat. I knew that when God brought me out of this trial that I would be able to share with others how He did it. I had strong faith that God would be the basis of my emotional healing and that I would triumph over tragedy.
EDITOR’S NOTE: We would like to thank Bernice Bright Dickey for sharing her story of grief and hope. If you have an inspirational story you would like to share, email [email protected]
